The Wheels on the Bus

I have spent a LOT of time on buses these past few months, traveling around Ecuador, into Peru, and even just around town. I now know that Ejectivo buses are the best, because they USUALLY have air conditioning, and don´t stop every ten feet to pick up new passengers. Also, nearly every long distance bus I´ve been on will show a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. The last bus ride I took, from Bahía de Caraquez to Guayaquil (7 hours), showed THREE Jean Claude Van Damme movies. In a row. In Spanish. Now, I´m not saying I´m an expert on acting or plausibility or anything of the sort, but I just don´t get how a loving father and husband just HAPPENS to have a loaded AK47 under the drivers seat of a mini-van, or how a white guy with no weapon can fend off a whole gang of kung fu mafia with machine guns. Maybe if the movies were in English, I would have understood. Or, maybe if I had a penis.

Anyhoo, I digress. All of the buses in Ecuador are retired USA/Canada buses, although some of them are still pretty recent models. However, some are most definitely not. My favorite are the ones where the drivers seat is basically a metal lawn chair bolted to the floor of the bus. These are the buses where my imagination gets the better of me, and I envision my cartoon self riding in the most rickety, ancient bus possible, careening around hairpin turns on the edges of cliffs on the wrong side of the road (actually, that sounds about right for reality...). At any rate, as we´re going, I´m imagining nuts and bolts flying off willy-nilly, so that once we reach our destination, all that is left is an empty shell of a bus, and upon stopping the front and sides of the bus flop over like a card tower, where all the people in the bus are sitting, hair on end, completely and totally shell shocked.

As well, nearly every bus has a dashboard shrine, some big, some small, to Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary. Possibly this is the reason they feel safe enough to drive pedal to the metal, and pass on double solids. Also, most have a pom pom ceiling runner across the windshield, which does more to impede vision than it does to add to the decor.

Generally, I´ve noticed that people don´t bathe or brush their teeth before getting on a bus. The odor on some of the long distance buses have ranged from unwashed to fetid, and I´ve had the pleasure of sitting next to them many times. I guess people don´t think about polite hygiene here, or make it as much of a priority as we do in Canada. Although, to be fair, I´ve sat by my fair share of stinkers in Victoria, as well.

Even though I´ve made it sound like riding the bus is not a great experience, I´ve found most of my rides pleasant and comfortable enough. It´s maybe not my ideal way of traveling, but it´s a great way to see the country in which I live, and for that, I wouldn´t trade it for anything.